No Country for Old Tacos

Here is a story similar to No Country for Old Men except instead of stumbling upon lots of Mexican cash, I find lots of Mexican food. It too ends in ambiguous tragedy. But no one dies.

OK so at work, groups often get free catered foods then afterward there are some leftovers. Usually the receptionist sends out an email to the 5.1 million employees here and a free for all ensues. An orderly stampede if you will. There is enough for like a dribble of ranch on a leaf for everyone!

But sometimes if you are lucky no email will be sent and the food will sit there unclaimed. Yesterday I overheard some talk of brownies. I like brownies (der!). So I went brownie hunting.

Then I stumbled upon the bonanza of Rubio's taco fixings in the break room. Enough to retire on. Holy moly. What do I do?! I thought to myself what would Hurley do in this situation? Hoard it of course.

I started with a taco and a plate. But what are plates to rocks and mountains of meat? (Vague Pride and Prejudice reference anyone?) So I filled one of those to-go boxes. Then I thought forget that. I am going for the motha-load. I sealed up the giant (giant!) container filled with a pile a steak and a mountain of chicken and an ocean of fresh pico and cheese. Then I loaded up the to-go box with tortillas and lettuce and and and and. Then where do I put all this?!

I hide it very sneaky like on the bottom shelf of the break room fridge until it was safe to travel with it. I can't trust anyone with this clandestine feast. I couldn't let anyone see me with it. Mostly because they would judge me (just as you are judging me right now).

The day came to an end. I went to the break room. There was some guy there. When his back was turned I went in for my stash. But it was gone. Somebody made off with my bonanza! I found a jar of chicken and some pico and took my humble to-go box and went home.

I was diverted from taking my bag of prizes to our apartment fridge by a super giant monster twice as big as the last one we encountered and 41 times as alive. After slaying the beast I forgot to put the food in the fridge and had to throw it out in the morning.

What is the point of this story? Just like No Country for Old Men, it has no point. I like tacos.