In light of what Rachel calls our 1/6 anniversary today, I present the subject of our prenuptial agreement.
A few years ago my boss bequeathed to me a generous gift he received from a white elephant (what a noble creature to impart such treasures). It was a painting of a clown inexplicably holding a wee doggy in his giant clown hands. What's he doing with that doggy? He is going to strangle it of course but my guess is that he is going to take a big bite of it' face first. He is for sure gonna eat that pup. Yep, for sure. The only question is whether the doggy will be alive though any of that.
Gruesome. Anyway for the last few years since it came into my possession, it has been my honor to display the piece-o-art in my bathroom beside a mirror. Nothing wakes you up better than a morning staring into those playful eyes. Wanna play?! They seem to ask with a gentle guffaw.
There is a little info on the back including year painted. 1967, a great year for murderous psychedelic clown puppy stranglers. The artist is Joyce L. Jeffress. And the subject is "Story book clown." I think I am familiar with this particular story book, It by Stephen King. He recently adopted the name Chuckles. It fits accordingly.
Before my official nuptials a mere two months ago, I had only one prenuptial agreement: the clown stays in the bathroom. Sounds like the perfect beginning to a horror flick. Do you think I could convince Rachel I can hear Chuckles laughing? Do you hear him, Rachel? Do you hear the mad laughter of Chuckles the Clown?
It was my only deal breaker. She could shoot me, murder me in my sleep, steal all my money (if I had any), or do pretty much anything. The deal breaker is the clown art.
She agreed. Obviously since we're married.
Rachel must have thought I was kidding because she was shocked to see him looking up from the sink. She wasn't having that because it supposedly blocked the mirror. Who needs mirrors? Did she forget what her face looked like? Nonetheless the monstrosity sits above our toilet now perched above his dark dominion. I do enjoy basking in his good humor. Always good for a laugh, that Chuckles.
If you listen close, you can hear him muttering to the puppy. What's he saying? Why is he laughing?
You don't want to get in Chuckle's bad graces. Besides what he might do to you, he might also call his cousin, Chucky.
ReplyDeleteHow can they be cousins? One is a doll and one is a middle aged clown.
ReplyDeletethat is the most terrifying painting ever. why on earth did the artist paint that creepy thing? of course, since it was 1967, she might have been a hippie, and might have been high or something, but still, that's no excuse for drawing that thing that will haunt poor little innocent children's dreams
ReplyDeleteWell, I might advise you to stay clear of the restroom while staying in the basement. How long can you hold it?
ReplyDelete1. I don't remember what my face looks like.
ReplyDelete2. You keep saying I agreed to it, but I don't remember this conversation. Was I asleep at the time?