King Jong

Warning: the following blog is not funny at all. Apologies.

 

On the elevator ride up today, someone was stopping on the third floor. I was going to my baby-sized cubicle (cribicle) on the eighth floor (the end of the line). A fellow ele-rider said "we can't all work on the penthouse."

I said in pretend humor, "it's not as glamorous as you think." Then he said something about letting his imagination do something. Basically he had the idea (humorously) that the top floor must be pretty sweet. Like we have a pool and spa and someone to feed us grapes. MMMMmm grapes.

I have some weird peeves, one of them being that I am placed undeservedly on the highest floor of the building. TV and movies have led me (and elevator guy) to believe that the best jobs are always located skyward. That is to say that upward mobility is literally upward in a company. I don't really work for a company: I work for a school. But it feels like a company because we never see any students. WGU has like four or more floors of an office building with its name on top in big letters. Pretty spiffy huh. Not as cool as having a giant white letter on the side of a mountain but at least we get three full letters.

Here is the thing though. I work on the eighth floor. This can't be right. This is my first out of college job, even though technically I am still trying to finish my last couple classes and I may never actually get out of college (every time I try to get out they keep pulling me back in!). It bothers me somewhat that they have this all wrong. I shouldn't be here. It's a serious oversight. I am trying to figure out how to correct this. It's only down from here.

Idea 1. Transfer to another lowly department that is lower on the building totem pole. Except I don't think I am technically "qualified" to teach people how to be nurses or whatever these people do. How hard could that be?

Idea 2. Try to work at home. Since I live in a basement it seems like the perfect fit. But for some reason only the most senior editors get to stare at computers at home. The rest of us need to stare at computers in close proximity to each other high above the earth.

Idea 3. Realize that the eighth floor is usually not that great in real scrapers of the sky. For example if I worked on the eighth floor of a 32nd story building, then I would be esteemed as a nobody, or worse tech support.

Idea 4. I don't know, start feeling an overinflated self-worth and take satisfaction in how awesome I am for earning a seat in the big leagues. Look at me on the top floor, baby. King of the world, ma! Just like a giant gorilla! How does that story end? The monkey has a short stint as a CEO with a beautiful office on the top floor of the Empire State Building before plummeting to death after the stock market crash? I am a little fuzzy on the details but I think he gets slapped for being fresh with a blonde.

I am gonna do that last one but without the blonde (I can get fresh with Rachel). King Jong, they will call me. Sucks to be the peons beneath me. They look like ants on the street. Ants for me to crush! And there will be dinosaurs for some reason.