Dear Abby (if that is your real name),
I read your letter/response from Not Laughing (see below), if that is her real name. I have a feeling my wife is secretly writing letters to a pseudo polymath about my hilarious pranks. Who doesn't enjoy sneaking up on an unsuspecting crazy person and scaring the beejibbies out of them? She consulted a doctor for some reason and wants me to hear him tell me to play nice even though he has real doctoring to do. Please dear Abby help. Why is this happening?! I need her to stop calling me immature and sadistic. She called me hostile. Whoever gave her this advice to treat me like a child is ruining our marriage.
[DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks it's hilarious to sneak up and scare the daylights out of me. I have told him repeatedly that I don't think it's funny and it triggers anxiety attacks, but he won't listen. I enjoy his playful personality, but the startling has to stop. Any suggestions? -- NOT LAUGHING IN GREENVILLE, N.C.
DEAR NOT LAUGHING: Just this: What he's doing is immature and sadistic. Humor at the expense of others isn't "playful" -- it is hostile. Because it is causing anxiety attacks, consult your doctor and let the doctor explain to your husband the reason that what he's doing is a bad idea.]
Just kidding dearest Abby. You can shut it, because you smell. How's that for immature. Now I am gonna scare my wife extra good until she screams bloody murder. How's that for sadistic. Then I am gonna prank call you and call you mean names. How's that for hostile?
Anyway, we're doing great here. Hope all is well with you. Man I can never think of good segues when writing letters. Take luck.
Sincerely,
NOT A DEAR ABBY FAN IN PROVO, UT
Just for the record: i didn't actually write that letter. And I don't have anxiety attacks.
ReplyDeleteDEAR NOT A FAN: Although you may think it's funny and amusing to "secretly" vent your feelings on this blog, it is actually immature, sadistic, and hostile. Also, your self proclaimed immaturity, sadistic-ness, and hostility may be signs of a deeper psychological problem. I suggest seeing your doctor for a full check-up to diagnose the problem. Also, to get past these so called "playful" pranks on your wife, you should go into marriage counseling together. Not doing it would be immature, sadistic, and hostile.
ReplyDeleteSINCERELY, DEAR ABBIE
You spelled Abby wrong
ReplyDeletethat's 'cause I've got a friend who spells her name that way, so that's just the way I spell it now
ReplyDelete