On Friday at lunch I went looking for a Subway and found a KFC buffet. I made room for seconds at my work's ice cream social. Then for dinner I had a slice of pizza, a couple pulled pork sandwiches, like 3 mint brownies, and about a dozen cream puffs. Something wrong here.
So two years ago I said to a friend randomly "I think I might want to get married one day. I'm gonna lose 100 pounds." And I meant it. I began eating Subway everyday for lunch. I started using an elliptical machine, then a treadmill, then graduated to a track then eventually running long distances and longer and longer distances. One week I ran 37 miles. A year went by and I only lost 75 pounds. Lame I know. 75 out of 100 is only a C.
Anyway I kept it off for a long while. Then I kept getting hurt and couldn't run. And I was so sick of Subway. I couldn't eat it anymore. I remembered again the taste of desserts. I met Rachel. We ate out a lot during our courtship. We had lots of yummy treats. Now that we are married we have delectable goodies all the time around the house, within reach. I simply roll over and grab me handfuls of sugary yum yums. Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!
So long story short I gained a bunch of the weight back. Basically I went from being Jonafatest to Jonathinner than back to Jonafat. I think I want to be Jonathin or even Jonareallythin but am unmotivated. I blame extreme happiness and contentment and unconditional love from my wife. If her love was more conditional like say the condition of skinniness, then I would be more motivated. Rachel, if you really love me you'll stop loving me until I'm skinny.
Also I am too happy. I need to start being unhappy with my roundage. Maybe if people made more cruel jokes I would be motivated. I guess I don't want to die at age 50 but then again what is life without six cinnamon rolls for breakfast and a handfull of tasty bacon?
I have heard the call of duty. Fatty McFatterson.
ReplyDeleteI knew I could count on you. My self esteem is lowering quickly.
ReplyDeletehaha, I was totally there when you decided you would write this blog! go Jonafatty go! go lose some weight! what if we stop inviting you over to dinner till you lose some?
ReplyDeleteWoah. Let's not go overboard here. I vote we just make Rachel make all of his meals for a while - either till he loses weight or she loses her fear of touching raw meat.
ReplyDeleteI can't make our meals. I have to work eleven hours every day, and we wouldn't be able to eat until 8:30 or 9. So it's either Mom and Dad's or eating out.
ReplyDeleteor nothing at all. I bet he would lose weight fast with that diet
ReplyDeleteI support Kristina's theory. And Jonathan, have you ever considered just remaining happy and not worrying about it? Story of my freakin' life. You learn to love it.
ReplyDeleteNah Rachel doesn't want to live 30+ years longer than me for some reason.
ReplyDelete