Hammer Time

So like last Wednesday I got a nice little rock chip because of all the GD construction being done on the 15 (I-15 if you don't know what I am talking about). I blame Obama. Stimulus my bottom (that doesn't sound right). Anyway it didn't grow at all for a couple days but I still knew I had to get is sealed before it got any bigger.

I went to the good folks at Jiffy Lube. By good people I mean common street thugs. I am about 100 percent sure they hire felons exclusively. "No white collar criminals please."

They have a terrible rep but I have never really had any problems there. They're quick and cheap.

I also needed new light bulbs for the headlights and an oil change. I got those and I assumed the chip fixed.

After half an hour after leaving Jiffy Lube, I noticed the half centimeter crack had now doubled. I thought oh it must have not shown until after they put the goop in. But the next day it had grown another 3 inches. By Sunday morning it was 11 inches. Just in case you're wondering no windshield places or Jiffy Lubes are open on Sunday afternoon.

Idiots!

Here are the directions for fixing a tiny rock chip from Jiffy Lube's training literature.

Step 1 Remove one's own brain

Step 2 Pour the glue you didn't manage to sniff into chip (if any)

Step 3 Strike repeatedly with hammer

Step 4 Deny all responsibility for damage caused by criminal negligence

Step 5 If necessary call the customer a liar and strike him with hammer

OK I am only on step 3 but I anticipate steps 4 and 5 tomorrow when I go into Jiffy Lube and use profanity to calmly scream myself dizzy at these morons for their idiocy.

I of course can relate to their stupidity. This is because I am obviously stupid for going there in the first place. I don't know what they will say or how difficult this will be to correct but from what I've read from the anti-Jiffy Lube websites, I can expect an epic struggle that makes the nine year Trojan war look like a picnic on the beach.

They will assume I got another rock chip in the exact same spot after they fixed it. They will claim I should have come in sooner despite the fact that they were closed. They will say I made this up to scam them. They will say it's not covered under some loophole. They will say they were not asked to perform such an operation despite what this possibly forged receipt claims. They will claim I was driving under the influence.

Wish me luck. No, wish me one of them thinking organs.