So I was starving Sunday night at midnight and couldn't sleep, so I went to Betos or Rancheritos, or whatever they are legally obligated to call themselves now. Anyway so I pull up to the drive-thru and. . .
Speaker: Pkkkerk. How can I help you?
Me: Yeah, can I get carne asada fries, with no guacamole and extra sour cream.
Speaker: Fries don’t come with guacamole, only salt.
Me: No I want carne asada fries.
Speaker: Carne asada torta? Anything else.
Me: No carne asada fries with no guacamole and extra sour cream.
Speaker: Carne asada fries with extra guacamole and no sour cream. Anything else?
Me: No, you have it backwards. No guacamole and extra sour cream. And a large horchata.
Speaker: Carna asada fries with no guac and extra sour cream and a small horchata. Anything else?
Me: No, a large horchata.
Speaker: Small?
Me: Large!
Speaker: Small?
Me: Large horchata!
Speaker: Small.
Me: Large!
Then when I get to the window the Mexie youth in the window hands me a small horchata. A small-freaking-horchata! I can't drink a tiny horchata: it's half ice for one thing, and I don't drink small-sized anything.
I calmly say I wanted a large, then he laughs at me and pulls out a large horchata. Then he lets me have both for being “a good sport.” I laughed so I wouldn't seem like a cranky old man, even though a second horchata didn't make up for his wreckless shenanigans.
You know you’re getting old when you are on this side of the drive-thru pranking. Also I woke up with a tummy ache. Still worth it.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Ritual Suicide
So Hulu has a way of showing the same advertisements ad nauseam (haha good cliched pun, no?) until you want to buy their product, then they keep at it until you want to murder yourself with said product. Anyway they finally stopped showing me this Stella Artois commerical (no I never got around to buying some. . .). But it is so ingrained in my brain that I can't ever delete it. And I hate it. Every word. You watch it, then I'll complain about it in detail.
http://www.bestads.tv/view/3747/stella-artois-the-ritual/
OK so first of all, this beer is so pretentious that it needs its own ritual.
And there are only two steps to this ritual, and they are very simple and generic and kind of common sense even. The first is using a clean glass. I don't drink the alchy, but if I did, I would assume the glass I drank out of was cleaned beforehand. I drink me plenty of sody-pop and it better be served in a clean glass. Or the health inspector and I will be having words.
What are they saying, that poor beer is undeserving of clean glassware? The 99% won't like being told that.
Then the second step to this ritual is that the glass is tilted slightly. So? Don't they do that with every single other beer ever? Even of the apple and root variety?
Also annoying: the word chalice. And the fact that I had to find the link on a website called bestads.com, and not worststupidadsthataresodumb.com.
Anyway, so this commercial infuriates me. That's all.
If I have to watch it one more time, I might have to commit ritual suicide. Step one: clean knife. Step two: hold knife slightly at an angle. Step three: you know the rest.
http://www.bestads.tv/view/3747/stella-artois-the-ritual/
OK so first of all, this beer is so pretentious that it needs its own ritual.
And there are only two steps to this ritual, and they are very simple and generic and kind of common sense even. The first is using a clean glass. I don't drink the alchy, but if I did, I would assume the glass I drank out of was cleaned beforehand. I drink me plenty of sody-pop and it better be served in a clean glass. Or the health inspector and I will be having words.
What are they saying, that poor beer is undeserving of clean glassware? The 99% won't like being told that.
Then the second step to this ritual is that the glass is tilted slightly. So? Don't they do that with every single other beer ever? Even of the apple and root variety?
Also annoying: the word chalice. And the fact that I had to find the link on a website called bestads.com, and not worststupidadsthataresodumb.com.
Anyway, so this commercial infuriates me. That's all.
If I have to watch it one more time, I might have to commit ritual suicide. Step one: clean knife. Step two: hold knife slightly at an angle. Step three: you know the rest.
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