More People Will Read Some Jerk’s Shirt than My Blog

So if you are reading this then you are one of few who will read this blog. No biggie because I am really only writing a blog because Rachel P. Bohman (soon to be Rachel J. Reddoch) likes to read it and asked me to write one. Hi Rachel! Maybe it would be easier to just write a comment on your Facebook wall or send a text message. At least I won't be judged by my lack of readership. I thought I saw a shirt but I think someone just told me about it (which is good because it helps my cause). Anyway the shirt says "More people have read this shirt than your blog." Ouch. So true though. Nobody reads this thing. I hear crickets chirping even now as I write.

I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the implications of this stupid shirt, mocking me and my "creative" writing. I hate you shirt! he cries into the night. The truth is hard to accept, probably because it sucks. So here I am writing for an audience of approximately -11. The worst part of this whole thing: I am posting a picture of the shirt on my blog. So no matter how many people read this blog, the shirt will always be right. The only way it could ever possibly even out is if every person that read the shirt finds my blog somehow and reads it. Do I even want that? Fame aside, not really. So why am I so partially bottom hurt by all this? Beats me.

My only hope resides in a simple truth. More people have read Twilight then something else really amazing. Don't ask me what; I am bad with statistics (e.g., 112% of my blog is gibberish). That doesn't make Twilight better, just people more—how you say (trying to put this delicately because most of my audience has read that poop smeared on paper)—dumb. Yeah that's the word. No not dumb, but something where they value something awful that they know is awful more than something I would call literature. My point is that quantity doesn't equate quality. However, with an audience like -11, I can't say I really have either. After all more people will read some illiterate jerk's stupid t-shirt than my well crafted (really actually dull and pointless) blogginess. Rachel, I hope you enjoyed reading this more than some jerk's stupid t-shirt. Incidentally, besides hating it, I like the shirt. I wish I were as smart and clever as it.