So I have been living at the Omni apartments for nearly two years now. When I first moved in, the hot tub was frequently in and out of service. I think people were acquiring hepatitis A-F from it and the apartment "management" (yes those are scare quotes) had to scrub that thing clean every other Tuesday to remove its pandemic grossness. It is basically a cesspool hot tub, a cesstub.
I don't see what the big deal is with hot tubs. The young and restless Provo population is really into the sort of thing. Twelve shirtless dudes crowding into a tiny steamy hole around one semi clad semi attractive girl. I am not much for scalding water with the skin flakes of 30 strangers floating in it or shirtless dudes. Plus when I was single, I was never that competitive. That is a lot of shirtless dudes to compete with for the attention of one semi clad girl. Without a shirt my chances drop dramatically as demonstrated by the math equation below. Not that any of this matters because I have Rachel now who doesn't know any better. Sucker.
My chances in a hot tub = (my normal charisma/(number of good looking shirtless dudes – other fat shirtless dudes)) x number of semi attractive semi clad girls
I guess the appeal to Mormons is the guilt free semi-cladness. Or maybe Provo dudes like other dudes without shirts. Probably it is that they think they get to see a plethora of semi clad women. Every dude thinks this and that's why the hot tub becomes a German brat festival.
So in year number two of Omni life, the hot tub went kaput. I think the years of vile disease finally killed tubby. Whatevs. I only care because now I get to use this as leverage against the apartment "managers" for their sucky service to counter the ridiculous fees they plan to stick on me, e.g., moving out fee, breathing fee, living fee, ceiling fee, soul fee. If they give me any poop when I move out in two weeks, I'll kindly remind them that the hot tub has been broken nearly two years while I held my breath for it to be repaired. Anyhoo, I guess it is finally fixed with less than two weeks before my move out date. I really wanted to catch hepatitis z but now I will never get the chance. I will miss the empty cesstub.
My favorite phrases in this posting were "skin flakes" and "German brat fest". So gross. So true.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I just like the hot tub because it feels so relaxing after a long day. I used to go almost nightly back when I had one.
ReplyDeleteCamilla,
ReplyDeleteI had the joy of explaining what "German brat fest" meant to Rachel.
Matt,
Yes your response is too reasonable. Reasonableness is not entertaining so I didn't address that aspect so much.
Hot tubs are a great idea. But then once you get in them after 5 minutes you realize you're just sitting in a bowl of hot water sweating.
ReplyDeleteOne time a bunch of us thought it would be fun to be in a hot tub and watch a movie....but after 5 minutes, most of us were out of the hot tub, and by 10 minutes all of us were out.
Again, sounds like a great idea, but...
Hey guy. Guess who finally learned how to comment on blogs? That's right, ME! And guess who is now going to start capitalizing stuff, even if it's on the internet and doesn't capitalize automatically? Again, ME! Wow, am I awesome or what?
ReplyDeleteKristina, you are beyond ridiculously awesome. In fact, there are no words for how awesome you are.
ReplyDeleteJonathan, I have always wanted hepatitis z. Let's go hot tubbing!
Nitsy, I never know which half is typing. Hot tubs are gross. And hot. Why would anyone choose to be hot? Blagh.
ReplyDeleteKristina, thanks for your non-relevant comment. FYI Internet is supposed to be capitalized.
Rachel, how about I just boil some water and dump it on your head while you're sleeping?