So I have never actually seen West Side Story before except for a couple scenes and some songs from my humanities class a long, long time ago (I can still remember). So I was watching some scenes on YouTube, and wow. Like for real. Wow. Is this shiz for real? Like for really real reals? Not for fakes? Yeah they aren't kidding with this. The film is actually about two gangs (I assume who are gay?) literally prancing and dancing and singing.
I knew it was a musical. I knew it was based on Romeo y Juliet. I knew it was about "gangs." I've seen the Gap commercial (while you're checking that out, check out this and this and of course this one with dancing robots in denim). Those take me back. Still that and this Scrubs episode didn't quite prepare me.
I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief a great deal. I can accept talking cars. I am cool with singing vultures. I will even believe an elephant can fly. But I 'ave seen just about everything when I see a bunch of gangbangers sing and dance in harmony.
There is something extra unbelievable about this whole escapade. The Jets? The Sharks? Keep it cooly cool, boy? Something ain't right here. I don't buy it. Heck I don't even borrow it. I might barrow it though (as in wheel barrow it away not like the castrated hog).Yet I did pick up some good advice from this documentary-esque crime drama:
"Every Puerto Rican is a lousy chicken." Those are the worst kind!
"Our mothers all are junkies. Our fathers all are drunks. Golly Moses, naturally we're punks." So it is nurture after all. Nature loses again.
"Life is all right in America; if you're all white in America." So true. G bless it.
"I feel pretty and witty and gay." Surprisingly not sung by the Jets.
Anyway so if I want to live through this lousy life, I better start playing it cooly cool, boy (or girl). So I'll get right on that. Crazy! Cool. . .
When I was a wee lad in the merry old 80s, whenever a movie was made that was part of a larger franchise, they always added the obligatory "the movie" at the end. The Transformers: The Movie. Jetsons: The Movie. This was not just cartoons. E.g., Twilight Zone: The Movie. Santa Clause: The Movie (not to be confused with Santa Clause: the Guy). There might be more but these were the films I remember.
Along similar lines but more how you say (prestigious? No pretentious) Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I bet it was Shatner's idea to go with "the motion picture." Other variations include the something-something movie, which we still see a little bit of. E.g., the Growing Pains Movie (TV movie), the Tigger Movie, A Very Brady Movie.
So anyway, I am not sure where this blog is headed. I guess I was just thinking about how dumb it is to call out the fact that a movie is a movie. Maybe that's why they don't do it anymore. People are really starting to get the hang of this movie thing.
But I suppose books have been doing this for thousands of years. The Book of the Dead. The Bible (books). The Book of Mormon. The Blue Book. Book 'em Danno. OK fine. Call your movie a movie in its title. See if I care.
I guess it just sounds funny to call it something: the movie all dramatic like. Other forms of media like songs or whatnot don't take that form. Time: the Magazine. Vietnam: the War. Rhode Island: the State. Jonathan: the Idiot.
'K so everyone knows what a pronoun is yeah? Der, it's a noun that holds a professional degree.
No actually it's a word that takes the place of a lazy noun who doesn't want to be involved anymore. Anyway so when you use a noun then use a pronoun, that pronoun is supposed to act in proxy for the noun, known as an antecedent. Just remember nouns are ants that protest farming; they're anti-seed-ants (I wish I could draw a little Flik with a sign reading "No more harvesting!").
Anyway when a pronoun is used after a noun that it shouldn't represent, this means the pronoun does not agree with the noun. The technical jargon for this is inner sentence infighting. Not really, but as if you know the diff.
So why does this matter? It causes the death of untold millions (untold because it would be a lie).
Still look at this seemingly innocuous sign.
Pretty dumb huh? You might be wondering dumb, why dumb?
Well you see in the second part, the pronoun "it" can only be referring to the noun phrase "txtng & drivng." So instead of saying "the convo can wait," it is actually saying that texting and driving can wait. So the message is text and drive but not right now. Later. Procrastinate the day of your text driving.
Anyway he is it and I am he and she are all together.
This is a true story. Real names have been changed to protect the innocent. Just kidding, we're all guilty here (except Don Cheadle).
OK so at work I sometimes attend review sessions via telephony (as opposed to telereally). In times past I would occasionally borrow Don Cheadle's headset (not the real Don Cheadle of course because as you recall, names have been changed to protect the innocent). Anyway a certain somebody (let's call her Margarine) was under the impression that the department had a couple headsets under its dominion for community use.
So Don Cheadle left us for pastures of relatively similar hue. Anyway Donny took the headset. No big deal. But now we have none or they are just unaccounted for. They're AWOL! So then even though I don't need one in the immediate future, I felt for some reason still unbeknownst to even me, that I should have access to one, you know in case of dire imminent need (the same reasoning used by crazy Steward Denethol in Lord of the Rings to bring the One Ring to Gondor).
So I encouraged the Steward of Headsets (Margarine) to inquire deeply into the matter. She emailed Don about it asking ever so politely and coyly if Mr. Cheadle knew what had happened to the One Headset of Power. The idea was for him to realize he had accidently taken it and bring it home.
The idea was to be super sneaky about demanding its return. The Don [sic] said that he actually still had it and IT had signed it out to him and he wondered why Mr. Smith didn't do the same (was IT out of headsets?). I am Mr. Smith btw (my name was dropped so hard in that email convo that I think it has internal hemorrhaging).
Basically we got schooled.
And I can't ask IT for one because my need isn't dire enough and also I was just there an hour ago to get a new number 1 for my laptop. I have to wait six more months before I can return for further IT support (my own rule that everyone should conform to).
I had a work retreat last week. At the end they gave out funny awards a la the Dundies. Anyway below is a copy of mine. It's nice to finally be recognized for my achievements. I already framed it and plan on displaying this puppy in my cubicle.
So Rachel has been walking to campus most days (except for the days I drop her off) even though we bought her a shiny new bike before school started. You may remember there was some discussion before on this subject. Anyway so Rachel assured me that she wanted a new bike to ride to school. So today was her first day riding it to class even though we bought it a week before school started. She has to ease into it, like a cesstub.
I shoulda known from her wobbly turn around the Target aisles when we bought it that she was unbikeable: she quite nearly crashed headlong into the swimming floaties.
What made her desperate enough to ride her bike today amidst the terror of possibly wobbling to death? She was late. It takes me 10 minutes on my bike from front door to classroom. Anyway so normally it takes her 25 minutes to huff it on foot. Today it took her 30 minutes to bike there. Yes those numbers are accurate.
And she is exhausted. Well, can't say she didn't give it the new college try.
OK so if this 9/11 has taught me anything, it is that people are basically the same everywhere. Before you begin assuming that this is a message about how awesome the world is, hold off on your group hug. It is a criticism of humanity.
So it turns out that ignorant intolerance is universal on all fronts. So nine years ago a handful of crazy jihadists, who had their heads filled with idiotic nonsense by a deranged madman, finally accomplished a large-scale attack on the U.S. They got us good. It was pretty awful. Everyone (except the foreign crazies) thinks they suck pretty hard. They do suck pretty hard. We all hope the virgins they receive in the afterlife turn out to be pretty ugly.
Now even though their previous attempts were bungled by incompetence, this was finally the time we decided these cave dwelling Neanderthals posed a real threat.So we invaded a few sorta-indirectly related countries (something about nukes or they had the same skin color as terrorists?). I am not sure why but well, we did and that’s done. OK so blood for oil? Maybe. I don’t know but it was real expensive. Bombs are bad investment: they have a very low return on investment.
So then a tiny minority of Muslims who have only said good things about how great and tolerant America is (jokes on them) want to serve Muslims (and I guess everyone) in the rather large area of lower Manhattan with a place to swim, exercise, learn to cook, and a place to pray together.
The community center AKA mosque was patterned after a local popular YMCA (the C stands for Christian). Apparently the YMCA must also resemble some sort of terrorist training camp. They learn to swim across borders and cook bombs at the Y?
Anyway, so some people think this is an insult to those who died in 9/11. Which is the most ironic thing I have ever heard. If they died for anything, let’s call it freedom. Actually they didn’t die for anything because I assume they wanted to live. But they died because of a very small minority of crazy a-word-holes
I can give you a bunch of metaphors of why this is completely stupid, but chances are you have made up your mind either way. Anyway so to continue, now some complete jack-a-word with the world’s ugliest mustache, wants to burn Korans because—well he is just a complete dumb-a-word. That’s all there is to it. Seriously he should burn that mustache off.
Afghans and Iraqis experience terrorism from groups like the Taliban every day. Maybe they should ban Mosques in their country. Anyway so before I get too excited about that, now we have Afghani people making the same f-word-ing mistake as mustachio man. They (some of them) are shouting “Death to America” now and burning stuff. All because one idiot with a mustache wanted to burn some Korans? WTF? That’s freaking stupid.
Anyway Rachel probably doesn’t want to take credit for this because she doesn’t like people to hate her but she put it really well the other day. She said that if someone is afraid of women, then it is not her fault nor her responsibility to stay more than two blocks away from them
The Islamic center shouldn’t be held accountable for people’s personal problems (AKA lack of understanding of who they think they should hate). Sounds to me like the 70% of the New Yorkers against the Muslim community center have some irrational fears that they need to work out. Obamacare should cover their obvious need for a massive amount of shrinkage (psychotherapy).
And if it is a sensitivity issue, I just have to say that is surprising coming the city with a reputation for being the rudest city in the country. I bet they said the same thing to Rosa Parks. I know some racists honkies were really insulted by that sitting too close the front of the bus thing too.
But since dumb people don't know they are dumb I could be dumb and not know it. JK. I know I am dumb. If I were smart, I would not criticize Americans on Patriot Day (but on the bright side I also criticized some foreigners too).
I guess I am just feeling a lil' unpatriotic today. I promise to hate Islams tomorrow for the good of the nation.
So I was blog hopping as I sometimes like to do. Instead of crazy Asian-style funny by accident blogs, today I found myself akin to elementary school teacher blogs. Poopy on a sticky! I am not one o' them gon sarn it.
So these blogs are mostly about all the cute things little kids say and do. One little kid thought a pumpkin "growed a baby" in the night when an apple was sitting next to it. That little idiot is pure adorable. OK calm down; he isn't an idiot. He's just a kid. I know. Blah blah, keep it to yourself. I take it back OK!
Still these teachers live for these precious moments so they can run home and blog about it. I guess I am just a cynical jerk but I wonder if I will be the same way when I have kiddlets of me own. Although I kind of more see myself as the Poopdeck Pappy type. Sure he was bad father to Popeye but Popeye turned out OK. And where is Mrs. Poopdeck Mammy? She isn't so great a mother.
Anyway, I forgot where I was headed with thing here. Hmmm let me think a sec. All well. Kids, they're cute as buttons. Dumb as buttons too.
So Rachel found an ad for some study trying to determine the effects of marriage counseling on physical health. She nagged me for weeks dressed in a bathrobe, slippers, and hair curlers while shouting "when are you gonna call 'em" while waving a rolling pin in the air. The answer of course being when I was good and ready. As you can tell from that interaction we clearly don't need marriage counseling but Rachel wanted the money from participating.
I clandestinely was putting it off because I didn't want marriage counseling, and for good reason. You see, I am a terrible husband. It's a secret so don't tell anyone, especially Rachel. You see some sort of chemical reaction in her brain area has caused her to ignore this otherwise obvious factoid. Marriage counseling would ruin all that. The jig, as they say, would be up.
Anyway so I finally tricked myself into the deal and called. They asked us a few questions then randomly assigned us to the control group, meaning they will pay us mucho monero (Spanish for mucho dinero) just to wear some medical junk two days and have some blood taken and blood pressure measured. No counseling for us.
So this whole time I was worried about a mirage. Now I am sad. After I talked myself into liking the idea. No counseling! What a rip! Gimmie free counseling!
Thinking early about Halloween. So in recent years I have become shallow about my costumes. I believe in being inventive: none of this store bought crap costume requiring little to no real thought for me, no sir (accessories are fine store bought though). I also think costumes should try to be scary. Butterflies are not scary. Unless it's Mothra. I guess that's more of a moth. Whatever!
Anyway so I started a theme of scary versions of dead authors. I did Zombie Shakespeare two years ago and last year I was Vampiric Edgar Allan Poe. I could be a something-scary Mark Twain this year. I was thinking if doing in the future a Mummified Pres. Lincoln, Ax Wielding George Washington (presidents wrote stuff), and a wolfwoman Jane Austen. Maybe a super evolved Charles Darwin with bear claws and a tiger tail?
But then I had a new thought just moments ago. What about going as something else kinda funny that people won't really get, a scare quote!
If you are wondering what a scare quote is, it is the quotes people use to make something sound suspicious. For example the Board of "Education" says we should teach "mathematics" to our children. You can pick up what is being lain (laid, lay, layla?) down by me. I have no idea how to visually represent it. It'll come.
I still got mucho dinero and timo to decido (don't try getting this random Mexicano reference: it's idiotic gibberish).
Anyway, I am sure we will all have a "happy" Halloween.
I am always a little baffled at the apparent randomness of Wikipedia's cross-reference web links. I know some articles are simply more thorough like the one on Chicago (good job Chicagoianians). Others very sparse, must be works in progress. I was reading the article on the NeverEnding Story film and its crumby sequels, and the links are to super random crap. Did you know there was a NeverEnding Story cartoon (well you wouldn't from reading the Wikipedia articles on the movie or the book and the song and the Dutch band)? In the book's article the entire six paragraph plot only links to Will'o'the Wisp. There is no link to the Nothing, but there are links to a couple characters, Ivory Tower (not the same thing at all from the book/film), and Library Journal. In the article on the book it says ". . .a reader of the novel with the same title." When you follow the link, you may wonder what the dumb does self-reliance have to do with a novel with the same title? Nothing! Who did this!?
It is all so, well arbitrary. I can deal with the fact that Wikipedia is written by just anyone with free time and the nerve to act as an expert on something, but half of these links are super MRF. A lot of the time they make no sense at all.
Before you start criticizing my criticism, I am just pointing out there is a desperate need for some consistency on Wikipedia. They do good work, but they need a system that explains what should be linked when and where. So "writers" can keep a certain level of standard. As is, there is neither rhyme and/nor reason for the words chosen to add web links to. It's crazy I tell you.
Sometimes you get redirected or the article doesn't exist yet but offers an invite to write one. One time on Wikipedia I followed a link to an article on horse pucky that didn't exist. I wrote the article as simply "Puck this." I was banned the next day. The system works, let's just add some more guidelines, yeah? Maybe I'll just go in and write in new guidelines myself: 1) Don't puck this up by adding links to things that everyone knows like family. 2) Don't puck this article up by writing simply puck this. What else is there to know?
