X-Mas 2: Holidays United

Still listening to and overanalyzing Christmas songs on my way to work. Here is part 2: the sequel to this other thing. Time to face unafraid the blog that I've made.

Happy Christmas (War is Over) (but not really): "So this is Christmas and what have you done? Another year over and a new one just begun." I realize it rhymes better than "So this is Christmas and what have you done? A new year is almost over and a new one will start in a week" but it would at least be true. And "War is over." No not really but it would be cool though if it weren't another Yoko lie.

The Twelve Days of Christmas: this song goes on for twelve days. I'm confused. Does this true love give the same stuff every day plus a bunch of new junk? So on the twelfth day does the singer receive their twelfth partridge in a pear tree? I don't even want to count up that stuff. That's a lot of redundant presents. And what is this poop about Lords a Leaping and Maids a Milking? How do you get somebody that as a gift? Sounds illegal. And whoever this true love is, they have some serious obsession issues with birds. I guess I could see one partridge in a pear tree, if you have room for a single bird and if you liked fresh pears (yuck). But three hens and seven swans and six geese and doves. Who wants an aviary for Christmas? And five golden rings? What is this true love the Lord of the Rings? That's too many gold rings for one Christmas. How about a few original gifts? Oh more birds and an exorbitant amount of identical jewelry. Gee thanks for the high jumping aristocracy; they will go so well with my bouncing barons from last year.

Alice in Winter Wonderland: "We'll face unafraid the plans that we've made, walking in a winter wonderland." Why would you be afraid of frolicking in the snow, sitting by the fire, making snowmen and the like? What conspiring deeds are they up to? Is there a dark side to this Winter Wonderland that we don't know about? They act like this is the Winter Wonderland directed by Tim Burton. Johnny Depp must play the whacky snowman impersonating a priest clown.

Please Come Home for Christmas a gain: Why, why, why, do people try and rhyme the word again like it sound like gain. So dumb! "There be no more sorrow/No grief and pain/And I'll be happy, happy, once again." Otherwise great song ruined. Bleckght humbug!