The Christmas Song Blog

Once they started with the X-Mas music I decided it was time to say goodbye to NPR until the New Year. Maybe it was a mistake to start listening to Christmas music on November 1st. Because it's been two weeks and I already want to rip my teeth out and cram them in my ears. Still I made a commitment and I am in this 'til the big day.

As you can imagine, after hearing some of these songs over and over, I started thinking about the lyrics, and it got me really thinking about those lyrics.

They literally play the same songs every hour. So that gets old pretty fast. I have yet to hear "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" (the best song ever) and only heard "Happy Christmas" once but they play the most performed Christmas song ever (literally) at least once an hour. You would think they play it so often, that it was in fact the only Christmas song. It is a pretty decent song but how about this line: "I'm offering this simple phrase to kids from 1 to 92. . .Merry Christmas to you." So this song totally flips the bird (in a pear tree no doubt) to infants and centenarians.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The song begins by saying you know Dasher and Donna and Bliztkrieg and Nixon, "but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?" If he were actually the most famous and we knew those other flying venison, wouldn't we know Rudolpho? Yeah thought so. And what is the deal with this guy's nose? Is it glowing or shiny? It's "red-nosed" and "shiny," so shiny in fact "that you would even say it glows." Would I be right to say that? I still don't know. So what is so great about a shiny/glowing nose? You could probably just get any old lamp that would work just as well (AKA poorly). If Santa did that then all the other lamps would shout out with glee.

I know I will be thought dumb for this last one. When I was a kid I remember hearing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" and thinking that kid's mom was some sort of major slutty butt. "What a laugh it would have been if daddy had only seen [it]?" Adultery is always good for a guffaw. No wonder Michael Jackson is so messed up after this traumatic ordeal. It wasn't until just last week upon hearing it, that I realized the dad was Santa. Of course as a dumb kid, I thought the mom was a tickle-cheater, but this is only because every other Christmas song makes the assumption that Santa is real. Stupid media and its mixed messages.

I will end by offering a simple phrase to kids age 2 to 54 1/2, merry X-Mas to you and yours. And for no reason here is Alvin and Wham! (so very 80s).