So we all know I am a fig fatso. But now I know. And here are the five signs of my great-and-spaciousness. Hint: the theme is mostly that I eat while doing everything. (All this typing is making me hungry).
1) I can't take a shower without at least one popsicle sticking to my hair. How do you expect me to shower without one?! Ten minutes is a long time to go without a snack.
2) I can't use the bathroom scale because the little screen is covered in melted chocolate. Mmm chocolate. Time to lick it clean. Just kidding. No really I promise. I have a giant bag of M&Ms to stay the tide of hunger. Mmm chocolate.
3) I don't have to decide between Burger King and McDonald's for lunch. I get both! McWhopper anyone?
4) The stains on my shirt could feed a Cambodian family for days. But they really don't eat much so it is not as impressive as it sounds.
5) Chuckles laughs at me when I undress to shower. And he taunts me, "you want some of this puppy, fat boy? Hahahaha!" Chuckles can be so cruel. And I am a man. Fat man, Chuckles! I know he plans on eating that poor puppy. And no I don't want any (Chinese food only makes you hungry again half an hour later anyway).
Um...gross? That 5 and 3/4 coulda been done away with. The popsicle one was my favorite. That is just so darn funny!
ReplyDeleteWow. I am not going to say anything about 5 3/4, but I liked the Chuckles one. Of course, Chuckles laughs at everyone.
ReplyDeleteOne night I went on a suicide run and hit McDonalds, Wendys, and Taco Bell back to back to back. It was delicious...until the next morning.
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