Dearest Rachel,
I am not gonna say told ya so but you might recall that I did so tell you so.
Remember that dumb research study you made us sign up for? Easy money you thought? Well it turns out the study wasn't on the effects of marriage counseling at all but on the effects of torture under false pretenses. Our threshold for pain is actually what is being measured. Why else would they stab me six times (literally) and make us come in at 6 am-ish three times?
Remember when you agreed to buy a Wii with the money we got for doing practically nothing? Yeah, we'll see if you still think "$250 is a lot of money [italics added for emphasis]" after hearing this.
So the research guy called (the guy we weren't planning on hearing from for 12 more weeks when we are scheduled to redrain our veins of life giving liquids). I thought for sure he was gonna need me to come back for some repoking. But when he began trying and failing not to laugh as he said, "I know your wife is going to love this but. . . " I knew my pincushioned arm was safe from further puncture.
I am sorry I was instantly happy when it wasn't me who needed to be re-stabbed. Forgiveth me? Then as soon as I stopped laughing with the guy on the phone I felt really bad, I promise.
The good news: you weren't accidentally infected with the AIDS virus (that we know). Seriously you don't have that.
The bad news: your blood sample sucks. In fact even Edward would be like thanks but no thanks. So you have to get retested at the BYU Health Center A-sap. And you won't be comforted by my comforting comforts because if I remember correctly there isn't room for handholding at the place where they draw blood (like water from a well).
Remember how you almost died yesterday morning? Remember how you have the worst bruises ever, from just two itsy bitsy tiny pokes? Be of good courage, it'll be OK.
So it looks like I am the wiiner today (because I get a Wii and don't have to give any more precious crimson life juice for a while) and you are the well. . .I loove you.
Man, I can't wait to play our new Wii. It's gonna be sweet!
-Your supportive husband
I about cracked up while talking on the phone with some sweet old grandma at work. This is seriously hilarious.
ReplyDeleteRachel laughed loudly through the first paragragh but was in tears by the last word.
ReplyDeleteYou win the turncoat husband of the year award. You can have that at the next potluck.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I thought you had a typo in the heading, but then I got the Wii part. Nice!
Dear Blood work people,
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't just that sample. I really have that strange disease, or don't have any white blood cells or glucose, or whatever it was that made you think you need to poke me again.
Furthermore, good luck finding a vein to take from. Both elbows are already covered in bruises.
Sincerely,
Rachel (Who at least doesn't have to worry about vampires)
You only don't have to worry about Edward. The others are still a concern.
ReplyDelete