Hipster to be Square

So I really hate it when people blast their music while walking around in public places. Today this hipster, with a messenger bag with a car safety belt for the strap, was playing his hipster music on his hipster iPod. If you are not familiar with the term hipster iPod that's because I just made it up. It is just an iPod held by dirty hipster hands.

So he ended up walking behind me for like ten minutes while I held back the deluge of annoyance while I tried to think of ways to inform hipster dude of his suckiness.

I looked back in anger like three times but to no avail. He thoroughly ignored my casual glance in his direction. Hipster was relentless in his hipstery.

Here are the things I thought of saying/doing, including rationale for not doing so:

1) Couldn't afford the headphones? Obviously iPods come with headphones so this would only open up an opportunity for him to enlighten me on something. Pass.

2) Thanks for sharing your music with the world. I would have to lay the sarcasm on real thick or I might have to hear "you're welcome." I am so unwelcome.

3) Thanks for forcing your [s-wordy] music into my head. Jesus wouldn't like that one.

4) I could have blasted my own music AKA Death Cab for Cutie. But he would have liked that.

5) I almost pretended to call Rachel and allow hipster to drop some eaves on this: "sorry can you speak up, some hipster is listening to his crappy music loudly without headphones. I think he didn't get enough attention as a child. And he is wearing a seat belt around his shoulder, trying to be alternative." This goes back to Jesus not being happy with me (see option 3).

6) I could have said nothing, while I took his iPhone and tossed it into the duck pond. Then pushed skinny jeans over for good measure. We went down separate paths. Dang.

So I am a bad person who gets annoyed easily. The end.