OK. I hate saying "bless you" to people who sneeze. And I hate, I hate, I hate, Peter Pan. . .I mean I hate when people say "bless you" to me when I sneeze. I actually do kind of hate Peter Pan. What a cocky little so and so he is, even though I discovered that I am very loosely related to James Barrie but that is for another blog. This one is about saying "bless you" and why it's dumb.
1) I am rude for not saying it. What the frig!? Now I have to say it when you sneeze or I am a jerk? No thank you, jerk. Don't judge me. It shouldn't be obligatory.
2) If I sneeze and you say "bless you" to me, then I am obligated to say thanks. Thanks for what? Repeating some meaningless response? Do you even think about the words "bless you" when you say them? That's not a rhetorical question. I know you don't.
3) If I don't say thanks then I am a jerk. I don't like throwing the word "thanks" around. You didn't do anything of merit to illicit a thanks but I will still look all jerky if I don't say thanks. That sucks. What did I say about not judging me? Well stop judging me. For reals, not for fakes.
4) Are you saying a prayer with your eyes open all casual? Is that what is happening? Then you are really not talking to me; you're talking to God on my behalf. So I should say amen, not thanks.
5) You might think you are exercising your priesthood and blessing me. I doubt you are doing that. At least with any real authority and reverence.
6) I need lots of blessings but I could use a lot more blessing than just "may God bless you that you don't sneeze."
7) Coughs and headaches are in greater need of a blessing than a little ol' sneeze yet when I get all achy and sick not one bless you. Heck, mumps, bumps, slumps, rumps, and grumps all need blessing more than a little ah-he-a-chew.
8) This is antiquated superstition. But it's tradition! Tradition is not a substitute for reason.
9) Bless my grits! Why not combine two meaningless idioms?
10) May God bless you. For reals.
1. So obligatory. If you don't say "bless you" when I sneeze, it's over!
ReplyDelete2. I so think about it. Seriously, reverently, and devoutly.
3. You throw that thanks around! Throw it like a basketball from the three-point line.
4. I am talking to you, imploring you to bless yourself.
5. Yes, I think I am exercising my priesthood. Pretty cool, huh?
6. I'm pretty sure not sneezing is all you need. All you need is not to sneeze, cause not to sneeze is all you need.
7. Rumps need blessings? OK, if you say so...
8. Tradition! The papa! Tradiiition! The mama!
9. Bless your gritty heart for thinking that.
10. May God bless you too. Also for reals.
1. You only write about this because you sneeze like 58376% more than the average person. And when you do, it sounds more like a pterodactyl being killed (I imagine). People really can't ignore that.
ReplyDelete2. Totally douchey, dude. For reals.
Ha! I told you other people think your sneeze is, um, how shall we put this? Amusing.
ReplyDeleteOK I do sneeze a freaking lot. What can I do about that? Apprently these hundreds of blessings I receive a week aren't cutting it. Maybe I need more faith.
ReplyDeleteBetsy: quit judging me, Judge Dredd. Judge Judy. Judge Reinhold. Judgie McJudgins.
ReplyDeleteBoopie: Judging - it's what I do. Just ask Nickers.
ReplyDelete