Lukewarm Fusion for 2015

Everyone is always talking about creating cold fusion because hot fusion, regular fusion, or whatever "scientists" [scare quotes added for "humorous" superfluous insult] call it is too darn hot to heat my house and cook my TV dinner without cooking me. Here are the possible solutions I discovered through hours of research.

1) All we need are long mechanical arms. Spiderman 2 is a great source of wisdom on this.

Pros: Can manipulate tiny suns

Cons: Causes villainy in scientists (but what doesn't these days)

 

2) We can man up and face the heat. In K19-Widowmaker, these guys walked right into that chamber and made things happen. It only costs them their lives as they died slow painful deaths.

Pros: Gets things done

Cons: You will run out of Russian engineers pretty quickly. Luckily there is a surplus of those right now.

 

3) Why are we going straight for cold? Just look at the huge leap scientists are trying to make on this scientific-looking scale I made up.

Temperature gaugometer:

Really freaking hot (AKA the sun, Hades, Arizona)

Real hot

Hot (Some Like It Hot)

Warm

Lukewarm

Lukecool (Cool Hand Luke)

Cool

Cold

Real darn cold (Your Tauntaun will freeze before you reach the first marker)

 

Pros: Slow and steady wins the race

Cons: I want to go to the moon today!

 

Are you listening University of Utah? This is the real solution. Baby steps. I say let's try for lukewarm fusion in 2015! We got this. You just need to pace yourselves, scientists. Remember, the Tower of Babel wasn't built in a day.