Darth Villainous and General Stabbula

Ready for another Star Wars blog? So George Lucas took a page out of classic comic book writing and decided to name his villains with very villainous sounding names. Seriously, a guy named Sinestro turned out to be a villain? Surprised, Green Lantern? That's because Green Lantern is a moron.

Originally Luke was going to be Luke Starkiller. Luckily someone talked him out of that (even though they used Starkiller later in a video game, kind of like a joke maybe?).

Darth Vader sounds cool and is subtle. It’s supposedly foreshadowing dark father. Sure, George, why not. Emperor Palpatine isn’t even mentioned by name in the original series and that name is OK. Jabba the Hutt is a great name too. Boba Fett: great name.

Now to the prequels. Darth Maul. Makes me think of a loose tiger. Not a bad image. Darth Sidious? That’s OK, but a little close to the fine line between cool villain name and idiotic kid’s cartoon. At this point I always assumed that the Sith chose their own names to sound menacing, which would make sense. Darth Tyranus is kind of dumb (having anus in your name is never a good choice), but Dooku was a bit of a loser so this fits.

Now to the biggest movie offender: General Grievous the cartoonish robo-villain. Can it get any dumber than this?

But then we come across this guy (the one on the left that looks like a Dr. Seuss character):

 Guess what his name is. I’ll give you five seconds to think of a description of what he is.

. . . .

Times up! Well, I bet you didn’t guess Elan Sleazebaggano did you. Worst name ever? Not quite.



I don’t want to sell you stupid deathsticks. I want to go home and rethink my name and marketing strategy.

 

This is his rookie card.

 

The other day at the store I ran across this:

Time to oppress savagely.

 What. The. Fuh.

Savage Opress? Sounds like a feral Irish juicer. That blows my mind how stupid that name sounds. And he is Darth Maul’s long lost brother, seriously? And they made a oxymoronic giant mini figure clock out of him. Why? Is this character popular enough to merit that? At least Sleezebaggano was probably originally meant to be an inside joke.

Anyway I came up with the following for the upcoming movies:

Baddie Jerkfacie

Baldi Skypuncher

Typcasto Villiano

Rascalion Sunstabber

General Stabbula