To the Bees

To the Bees,


When Mark Walberg asked me if I was interested in what happened to the missing bees, my response was shut up, Marky Mark, this movie is worse than your Planet of the Apes remake.

So, Netflix Watch Instant only has documentaries, seventy-five different seasons of Dr. Who, and half shark-half other monster hybrid B movies for some reason, so last night, I watched the Juno-narrated, not at all cleverly titled, documentary the Vanishing of the Bees. Everyone should watch it it by the way. I dare you to find anything better on Netflix Watch Instant.

Anyway, after the movie I felt really bad for you bees, especially the getting high on systematic pesticide and flying off en mass in a drunken stupor to your deaths part. Even though your honey tastes like the puke it is, I got your back from now: I'll try to eat more obtusely labeled “organic” fruits and veggies, even though studies don’t show it to be any more directly healthy for human consumption. And seriously it should not be called organic. Every plant is organic even if it has chemicals on it. That's just bad decsriptioning. I'll eat it but I am gonna called it non-pesticide-laden fruit.

Anyway if you bees all died, we’d be kind of screwed so thanks for pollinating stuff; we owe you guys. Especially for the providing the greatest moment in accidental comedy in cinematic history.

Thanks again for all your hard work and self-sacrifice. You are your own knees!