Meaningful Conversations

DISCLAIMER: If you didn't know better, you might think this was me being a jerk. But as long as Rachel laughs, I don't consider it abusive. Rachel laughed both when I said it and later when she read it. This is what some people might call "teasing." So if you are prone to judgyness, please stop reading now.

Rachel and I have many meaningful conversations in our long and wonderful year+ of marriage. Here is one that occured tonight before bedtime while it's still fresh in my mind:

Me: OK you get ready for bed now.

Rachel: OK.

Me: Don't forget to shower.

R: I'm not going to shower.

Me: But then you'll be smelly.

R: You called me smelly.

Me: No I said you would be smelly.

R: It's too cold to shower.

Me: So you're gonna shower. . .in the spring?

R: Why do you hate me?

Oh, Rachel, so many reasons. No, JK, it turns out I love her bunches (even when smelly).

UPDATE:

Some women who will remain nameless don't respond well to being told their angry face looks like bass face, they sound like a cranky sheep, or that they are acting like an enraged chipmunk.

Also the phrase "I hope you feel like poop, but only on the inside" doesn't get you far with the ladyfolk.

And later that evening. . .

Me: Are you saying I can't lift this matress with you on it? That sounds like a challenge.

R: The mattress alone is pretty heavy.

Me: You're pretty heavy.

R: Ah, you called me fat.

Me: No I mean you are heavy on the pretty. Like if some nachos had a lot of cheese they would be cheese heavy.