23 Halloween Uses for Microwave

So Rachel saw an article about 23 great uses for a microwave that you didn't know on a site ironically boasting time-saving tips for busy parents. Not busy enough to read about how you can both soften and melt butter. And since the microwave can be used to heat literally an infinite amount of things, why 23 items on this list? I guess busy parents don't have time for 24. I guess some people don't know this "gizmo" has been around for a long time now and they an require in-depth infomercial explanation of how amazing its millions of uses really are.

Rachel posted her own snarky list of 23 additional uses that you may enjoy here. In honor of Halloween this month here is my list of 23 uses for a microwave. So dust off the ol' microwave because you finally have a use (23 actually) for it.

1. Warming cold babies.
2. Cooking cold babies.
3. Softening a severed hand.
4. If you remove the door, you can use the microwave as a "self-defense" mechanism.
5. Racoon trap.
6. Candy wrapper melter.
7. Severed foot heater.
8. Kill the lice in your old vampire cape.
9. Heat up mummy wraps.
10. Heat up breakfast blood for a quick snack before vampire work.
11. Cooking raw brains (if your zombie is into that).
12. Eyeball soup.
13. Give yourself super powers.
14. Give yourself cancer.
15. Give yourself super cancer.
16. Give a baby super cancer.
17. Boil holy water for self-defense against fiends of the night.
18. Spider torture.
19. Exit this dimension.
20. Enter this dimension.
21. Merge your dog and cat into a super pet.
22. Make a jack-o-lantern explode.
23. Make Jack explode.