El Scorcho

So I was working from home today. And I decided to cook up a steak for lunch. But it was taking so long and I was so, so hungry. So I decided to speed up the grilling process by adding a tad extra lighter fluid to the charcoal briquettes. They kept going out and I wanted to use what is called the direct method of barbequing (that is it uses fire instead of lame slowpoke ashes). I squeezed out a smidge extra lighter fluid and lit it. BOOM! The fireball was huge. The massive smoke made me tear up a little but I was fine, though a little shocked by the huge fire. And I had to use a broom to push the flaming rack back into the grill. When my meat was finished I enjoyed it thoroughly. Then I got the feeling that I had a ton of dried A1 sauce on my beard. When I went to wash it out, I discovered the horrible truth. It wasn’t dried steak sauce. The left side of my face was all covered in orangey hairs. They even flew up into my head. Basically I burned those suckers up. Apparently I had used the direct method to cook my face. I didn’t think to take a picture and I washed most of the burnt stuff out and you can barely see the remaining crispers. I can still smell BBQ on my left cheek. The end.

Superstupidglue

So our crappy crapper broke this past weekend. And Rachel tried helping me fix it. This required the use of the most hilarious/aggravating substance known to man: superglue. So the stupid regular cap on the stupidglue was superglued shut so we had to use the wide part, the part that gushes out. Anyway so Rachel superglued her thumb and pointy finger to some piece of plastic on the toilet flushing mechanism. She was stuck there while I ran to the store to get superglue’s kryptonite: nail polish remover. Oh and I updated my Facebook status to “Rachel is superglued to the toilet.” I should have mentioned it was literal: not like she had diarrhea, which some people might have thought. Superglue is dumb and I hate it, except when funniness ensues.

Anyway here are the pictures: