My Sign is Shut Up

So apparently the pseudoscience of astrology I guess decided to update their shiz because it is off by a month, or a scientist just pointed out that they needed to? And astrologers responded by pretending that they already knew everything about astronomy. I don't know if there are enough curse words in the language and a half I to competently express the response I feel to this whole situation.

Oh and I guess there is a whole new sign that may or may not have been left out of this whole thing called Ophiuchus (finally disproving any validity that Battlestar Galactic is a documentary). I missed being moved from Sagittarius to Morpheus by one day. That was a close call. Otherwise I would have to choose a whole bunch of other nonsense to believe about myself.

Here are your new daily horror-scopes. Just go ahead and reread the same one every day for the rest of your life [hint: changing doesn't make any difference at all].

Capricorn: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Aquarius: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Pisces: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Aries: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Taurus: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Gemini: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Cancer: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Leo: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Virgo: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Libra: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Scorpio: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Sagittarius: Sometimes you will have fun with and other times you get perplexed by and even annoyed with horoscopes. You are sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but you always fall asleep eventually.

Actually maybe you should just write your own horoscope. Think about how accurate that would be.

What's my sign? My sign is shut your facehole.